Overcoming Stigma in Muslim Communities: A Personal Journey
Growing up in a strict household, I faced many challenges that shaped me into the person I am today. As a young girl, I often felt that my family’s rules were unfair and too strict. I wasn’t allowed to go out much, and I spent most of my time at home. At the time, it felt isolating and unjust, but looking back, I see the wisdom in those decisions, and how Allah wanted to nurture me through those experiences. Allah is the best of planners, and there is good in everything, even if we can’t see it in the moment.
The Struggles of Fitting In
Being a Pakistani girl who didn’t fit the so-called “ideal” image, was another layer of difficulty. I wasn’t the fair-skinned, slim, or conventionally “pretty” girl that many expected and is constantly being promoted as the ideal. I was darker in complexion, overweight, and accustomed to staying at home. These differences became more and more obvious, especially when even my own family made hurtful comments to me that struck deeply. My mother, though well-meaning, often pointed out my appearance, believing it was for my benefit, but these exacerbated my insecurities. Those remarks left a lasting impact, making me feel as though I would never measure up to societal expectations.
This stigma extended beyond the home. In our community, I was judged not just for how I looked but also for not fitting the promoted “mould” of the ideal Pakistani girl. Even when potential marriage prospects came into the picture, the focus was often on my appearance rather than my character or faith. It was a painful reminder of how deeply entrenched these biases are.
Finding Solace in Faith
Amidst these struggles, my faith became my refuge. Islam played a significant role in shaping me into a better person. Praying on time and relying on Allah provided me with the strength to navigate the challenges I faced. However, it wasn’t easy. Many of the girls around me weren’t practicing their faith, and their lifestyles often left me feeling isolated. While they went out and had fun, I was at home, alone and feeling judged for being different.
Primary school was especially difficult, as I was often excluded and made to feel like an outsider. But things improved in secondary school when I finally found friends who accepted me for who I was. By the time I reached university, I had begun to carve out my place in the world, but the stigma from my community lingered, a constant reminder of the judgments I had faced throughout my life.
The Impact of Community Stigma
The judgment I faced wasn’t just limited to appearance. In some communities, you’re judged for being too religious or not religious enough. This double standard was exhausting. When it came to marriage, I struggled to find someone who could see beyond my physical appearance or even past how religious I was. Ultimately, I accepted what was written in my destiny, trusting in Allah’s plan. But even then, the stigma persisted—whether from family, friends, or even my own partner.
The societal obsession with perfection—whether it’s about looks, education, or adherence to cultural norms—creates unrealistic expectations. It’s as though no matter what you do, you’re constantly under scrutiny. This pressure to conform to these ideals left me questioning my self-worth on numerous occasions. It took immense effort to shift my focus from external validation to internal growth and spiritual development. Learning to validate my self, and rely on Allah as my source of comfort and security.
Lessons Learned and Moving Forward
Over time, I learned not to rely on people for validation. Instead, I focused on becoming a better person for the sake of Allah. This journey hasn’t been easy. There were moments of deep insecurity, times when I felt ostracised for simply being myself. But with hardship comes ease, and I’ve come to realise that happiness is found in trusting Allah and striving to improve myself every day.
I’ve also come to understand that stigma in our communities isn’t always intentional. Often, it stems from cultural programming, perverted advertising and a lack of awareness. However, this doesn’t excuse the harm it causes. Addressing these issues requires open conversations and a collective effort to challenge deeply rooted biases. It’s about creating a culture of acceptance and understanding, where people are valued for their character and faith rather than superficial standards.
The stigma in our communities is real and inescapable, but it doesn’t have to define us. While it’s incredibly difficult to overcome, it’s possible to rise above it by holding onto faith and remembering that Allah’s plans are always for the best. My journey has taught me resilience and the importance of turning to Allah, even in the darkest of times. For anyone facing similar struggles, know that you are not alone. With time, patience, and faith, you can find peace and joy despite the challenges.
A Message of Hope
To those navigating similar struggles, remember that your worth is not defined by societal standards, or how well you fit in external, cultural moulds. You are more than your appearance, your circumstances, or the judgments of others. Your relationship with Allah is what truly matters. Each day is an opportunity to grow, to heal, and to strengthen your connection with your Creator.
Surround yourself with people who uplift you and remind you of your purpose. Seek knowledge, engage in acts of kindness, and hold onto hope. The journey may be long and filled with obstacles, but with faith as your anchor, you can weather any storm. Let your experiences be a source of strength and inspiration, not just for yourself but for others who may be struggling in silence.
